The world is full of possibility. And coincidence. And inspiration.
I don’t know where to start. I feel naked; no less than three times this week have I felt that thoughts have been pulled directly from my head. It is that same phenomenon of exposure that inspires me to write…and to read. The book I’m reading right now – which shall remain nameless until I finish it and can thus write about it properly – follows a similar theme, at least by page 100, anyhow. It’s the best book I’ve read in a long time, which I suppose makes sense as it was recommended (and books personally recommended – rather than taken off the shelf, judged by their cover, no doubt – are always better).
But enough about books. I’ve lived a life based on coincidence, luck, and the concept of “je ne regrette rien.” A path is laid in front of me, and rather than think things through, I follow it. I live, unfettered by the natural thoughts of profit and loss, balance – not always a good thing, but simply how I am. An example: today my father was telling me about why he didn’t contest a recent traffic ticket. He was pulled over for running a stop sign; I don’t know if he actually did it. Last time I saw him, he was telling me that he planned to fight the ticket, but today explained that the cost wasn’t worth it…It would have cost him $200 in missed work, at least, plus the cost of gas (currently around $4/gallon in the US) to get to court, plus a fine and possible jail time for contempt of court (I took from this that he intended to yell at the cop who pulled him over), plus a least a hundred dollars in books that my mother would have had to buy for him if he’d had to spend three days in jail. Of course he was joking, and I laughed, but realized that I have no concept of that kind of thinking. I am almost always willing to throw down cash for whatever my little heart desires…always have been, even when I didn’t have it. Plane ticket to California? Why the hell not? I don’t spend a lot of money in my day-to-day-life, mostly just coffee and lunch. If I take a day off to go to the beach, I make it worthwhile; loss of pay, expenses…never cross my mind.
More than that, however, I am committed to living each day as if it were my last. I realize that this is a huge privilege, and one that I haven’t always had. So if I wake up and want a doughnut, I have one (as long as it’s not from Dunkin’ Donuts, that is). If I want to take a trip, I do it. We are on this planet for too little time to yearn. Perhaps this is indicative of my generation, or perhaps it’s just me, but I can’t fathom not living life to its fullest or taking advantage of every opportunity. I can’t imagine not taking every possibility into consideration. For what is life without fantasy? What is life without believing that anything is possible?
In many ways, my lifestyle is a disadvantage. I will probably never own a home. Property alludes me, as does commitment of most kinds. As my father remarked today, even a year lease is too much of a commitment for me. But I’m starting to believe that’s not such a bad thing. Why bother going through life without a constant buzzing of possibility beneath one’s skin? We only have this one life, and it ends much faster than it begins. I vow, I try, never to forget that.