Step 1: First, buy rubber gloves and a balaclava…You probably want to wear a balaclava to buy the balaclava and rubber gloves to buy the rubber gloves.
Step 2: Get ahold of some cash, but not from the ATM. Donning balaclava and rubber gloves, buy a money order for $49.98.
Step 3: Install Tor. Once installed, go to http://hushmail.com and set up an email address. (We don’t recommend using Gmail or other popular services for which you need a phone or existing email address – but if you do, proceed with caution and make sure to either steal a phone from a child or buy an existing email address on the black market with the serial number sawed off).
Step 4: Follow Hushmail’s instructions to pay with a money order. Then, using a black and white printer in another state that doesn’t belong to you, print the page. Be sure to wear a balaclava and rubber gloves, but don’t look suspicious!
Step 5: Next you’ll want to mail the money order to the address noted, but you’ll need to do that from a mailbox in another state (preferably a different state from the one in which you printed the page, of course.)
And that, my friends, is how you set up an anonymous email account*!
*Obvious parody. Originally serially posted to Twitter whilst in the middle of writing an actual security guide and feeling frustrated.